We Believe
by SlaYeRGiRLkaL
Summary: As crazy as it sounds and against all odds, they fell in love.
1. Chapter 1

I got about 4000 words into this before thinking it might be a better story written in 1st person which is kinda my specialty, but I'm working on the whole third person writing experience so I went with this, I might write another version from Meredith's POV This is also like the longest one shot I've ever written and one of the longest stories

Set between 4x13 and 5x17

_There's a love that could fall down like rain_  
_ Let us see_  
_Let forgiveness wash away the pain_  
_What we need_  
We Believe~Good Charlotte

* * *

Meredith Grey didn't have the best timing, she waited until the worst possible moment to tell Derek. He hadn't taken the death of his pregnant patient well, nor the lawsuit that followed, and definitely not the news that he had lost more patients than he had saved. She tried to give him space, but that wasn't what he needed, she knew that now. Now she needed to get in his face, tell him that you can't win every battle, sometimes patients die, everybody dies, but you have to get back up and prepare for the next battle, the next surgery. He said something about her knowing all about quitting, running, and hiding, and it set her off.

* * *

"Why are you letting him get away?" She asked as Meredith followed her outside, "You need to get him back."

"That's uh, that's not going to happen Addison, we are done over, no more breakup sex, no more Meredith and Derek, we're just colleagues, friends, coworkers or whatever. Now if you'll excuse me, it's been a rough day and I'd like to go get my drink on," Meredith finished, walking away, but not back inside Joe's like she had expected. Addison stood there feeling slightly confused for a moment, watching the blonde walk off before finally following after her.

"Rough day Mer?" She nodded as she downed her shot. "Well I think it's about to get better. There is a really hot redhead that just walked in, and she's headed straight for you, and if you're really lucky she doesn't know you're Shane." Meredith couldn't help but laugh at that, it wasn't exactly news that she liked sex, or that she'd slept with a lot of women while coming to the conclusion that she was in fact a lesbian, but it was still funny that they called her Shane, because she actually wanted a relationship now.

"Is this seat taken?" Addison whispered, taking a seat next to the blonde before she had the chance to respond.

"Not at all, Jen get my stalker here a drink," Addison turned to her and gave her a look of mock offense. "Martini," Meredith added and Jen walked off to prepare the drink. "Don't you have a flight to catch?"

"I have a few hours. So you're sleeping with women now?" Addison asked as Jen returned with her drink.

"So the hot redhead knows you," Jen began as she poured Meredith another shot. "Why do they always come to you? I only ask because I am so jealous," She winked at Addison before walking off.

"She was flirting with me right?" Addison asked, afraid that she may be confusing kindness with flirting at this point.

"Jen does that, the attractive ones always wanna sit with me," She said nudging Addison playfully, and the redhead rewarded her with a grin.

"Meredith?" The blonde didn't have time to react as a hand collided fiercely with her cheek. "You don't call? And this," She said indicating Addison, "You're disgusting, I can't believe you would give up this," The woman said gesturing emphatically at her breasts, "For that, I mean she's old," She yelled, walking off with a group of giggling girls.

"You might not want to sit next to me Addison, it's not good for the ego," She didn't show any signs of moving though, and Meredith was actually thankful that she stayed. "You're not old, I've just been screwing Seattle's lesbian undergrads, they think everyone over 25 is old." Addison didn't say anything, she just downed the rest of her drink.

"The girls didn't scare her off?" Jen asked as she reappeared. "I think she deserves another drink," Addison nodded and pointed to Meredith's still full shot glass and Jen went to retrieve another one for the redhead and poured her a shot which she quickly knocked back. "Ally has been pissed off at Meredith because she didn't call her back for the last month, and she and her friends have successfully scared off everyone that's sat next to her since." She put her hand on Addison's arm before speaking again, "You are a very beautiful woman, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." The redhead looked up at the young bartender with a smile, before allowing her to disappear once again.

"Jen is really good for the ego," Meredith said filling the silence that had fallen. "And I am sleeping with women now, except they're all shooting me down now because of her and the anti-Meredith club over there. God I even feel for Mark Sloan, the nurses are shutting him down, the blonde undergrads are shutting me down," She sighed. "I'm pathetic, I resorted to sleeping with the blonde from accounting two weeks ago. If I had just, God if, it's all because of that fucked up denial breakup sex with Derek. And now I'm ready to be all gay and no one wants me because I'm that bitch that doesn't call, like that stupid asshole you have a one night stand with when you're a freshmen in college! I'm that asshole Addison!"

"When did this even happen? Is everyone here gay now? I go to LA and I come back and everyone is a lesbian? I mean first Callie and Erica, and now you!"

"Wait Callie and Hahn?"

"Yeah, they just don't know it yet, I know because I'm all LA and, but you, you and Derek, I thought you would work it out, I know at the wedding but," Meredith cut her off.

"I went to Hawaii with Cristina, and I haven't told anybody this because I was supposed to be a good celibate person and we were supposed to drink and complain about men, and then I couldn't drink with Cristina anymore. I went to the bar and I was drinking and then I was naked with this really hot blonde with the most beautiful smile and these sparkling blue eyes and she was amazing. Derek and I we um, but I, I really like having sex with women, so things with Derek and I are so, so over, never gonna happen again, I am so over boys and their stupid boy penises, and if you tell him I said any of this I will hurt you." Addison grinned at the thought of Meredith Grey trying to physically hurt her and fought the urge to laugh at the mental image.

"He doesn't know?"

"No, I don't, I'm uh not ready to tell him, I haven't even..." She trailed off, not really knowing what she wanted to say.

"Yang doesn't know?" Addison asked in shock.

"She uh knows about the accountant, I can't tell her about Hawaii because she'd kill me, and I don't know why I'm even telling you all this, it must be the tequila. I'm really sorry you know about Derek, but I'm a lesbian now and there will be no more sex with boys." She said knocking back her 4th shot of the night that Jen had refilled while she finished speaking.

"I won't tell Derek," Addison whispered.

"Thank you," Meredith mumbled quickly.

"I won't tell Derek if you don't." And with that Addison cupped Meredith's cheek and pulled her into a searing kiss. She reached into her wallet and threw a handful of bills onto the bar. "You are good for the ego," She told Jen as she grabbed Meredith and pulled her out of the bar much to the disgust of the previously giggling blondes. The cab ride home was a blur of kisses and touches and before they knew it they were in Meredith's bedroom and clothes were being thrown in every direction. In that moment nothing else mattered. Addison was on top of a completely naked Meredith Grey wearing only a lacy pair of black panties with her thigh pressed directly against the blonde's center. Her breath hot against Meredith's ear.

"I have had just enough to drink to think that this is a good idea. You better not make me regret this Meredith Grey." Everything after was a blur. Kisses and nips against her neck, Meredith's tongue teasing the shell of her ear sending shivers down her spine. Grinding against her thigh as Addison refused to let her lover flip her onto her back. Fingers pumping her gently but firmly at just the right angle. Flicks of her tongue against pebbled nipples. Teeth grazing over her clit, tongue sliding through her wet folds. Fingertips gripping hips, nails grazing lightly against her back. Toe curling orgasms. The night was a perfect blur of absolute bliss, and they slept like that until Izzie's voice woke them the following morning.

"Are you guys covered? I have coffee, we have to be at work in half an hour Mer."

"Go without me!" The blonde grumbled, snuggling back into Addison's side.

"Your car is still at the hospital and I'm working with Derek today, I'd hate to let slip that you're sleeping with his ex-wife, especially since he doesn't know that you ended your relationship to be a lesbian. So I'm going to open this door in 30 seconds and you guys are going to be covered up."

"It's safe Izzie," Meredith groaned as the bubbly blonde opened the door and handed them each a cup of coffee. "How did you know it was Addison?"

"I saw you two come in last night, seriously though we need to leave in like the next 10 minutes," She said, leaving the room.

"You missed your flight," Meredith whispered.

"It was so worth it," Addison practically hummed before pulling Meredith in for a kiss.

"Shower?" Addison nodded enthusiastically as Meredith lead her into the bathroom and they had their way with one another in the shower. "Do you have to leave?" Meredith asked, unable to hide her disappointment as she got dressed for work and Addison put last night's clothes back on.

"I kind of wish I didn't have to," She whispered, kissing the blonde again. "I definitely don't regret last night." A permanent smile seemed to be taking residence on the redhead's lips. "Are you going to be busy today?" Meredith shook her head in response.

"Research day, the first virus didn't work for the tumor so we've got to come up with a new concoction. Meet me for lunch?" Meredith asked quickly kissing Addison yet again as Izzie yelled that they needed to go.

"Yeah I'd like that, lunch," She whispered pulling the blonde back to her for another kiss before she had to run after Izzie for work, leaving Addison alone to do whatever she pleased in the House of Grey.

"We are going to be late," Izzie grumbled as they stepped into the elevator in the lobby. They were fighting the clock, they needed to be in the resident's locker room in three minutes. "And it's all because of your latest conquest," Izzie added teasingly just as the doors opened revealing one Alex Korev.

"Conquest? Do tell Grey!" He winked knowingly at his roommate. She didn't say anything, just shot him a wicked grin that said it all for her. "I thought they were shutting you down."

"What have you heard?" It was Mark Sloan entering the elevator.

"The nurses are shutting you down, the blonde undergrads are shooting Grey down," Alex replied, "More women for me," He grinned.

"Redheads aren't shutting you down though are they Mer?" Izzie teased.

"I'm growing as a person," Meredith said as the elevator dinged letting them off on their floor and heading to the resident's locker room. Izzie laughed as they entered the room where Cristina stood already dressed.

"Somebody got laid last night, not getting shot down anymore? Or was it the blonde from accounting again? I liked her." Meredith shook her head.

"Meredith is growing as a person Cristina, she's sleeping with redheads now," Meredith shot Izzie a look, silently begging her to drop it as she changed into her scrubs.

"Speaking of redheads, I heard Montgomery was pissed when she found out you're not with McDreamy anymore. Does he know you're a lesbian yet? Because I would pay to see that." Izzie mumbled something about Addison not being so pissed off now under her breath but no one noticed as Bailey entered the locker room effectively ending the conversation and the residents dispersed in opposite directions.

* * *

"Addison?" Callie questioned as she caught sight of her friend. "I thought your flight home was last night. What are you doing here?"

"I uh missed my flight," She mumbled.

"And why did you miss your flight?" She paused for a moment after the words left her mouth and realization hit her. "Oh my god, you got laid, you were too busy having sex to catch your flight." Addison nodded guiltily. "Not Mark right?" She asked hopefully.

"Didn't you leave with Mark last night?" Addison snapped accusingly, the ortho surgeon nodded in understanding, suddenly realizing how silly it was for her to accuse Addison of sleeping with the man she'd gone home with. "It was the best sex ever, like absolutely mind blowing Callie," She spilled grabbing her friend's arms in a vice grip. "We did it in the shower this morning, and oh god I feel like a horny teenager, and don't tell Derek I'm here, or Mark, Mark can't know he'd just, don't let them find out, I just need to see," She was cut off by her friend.

"Who do you need to see, I'll get them for you, I won't tell Derek or Mark, just tell me."

"Oh god Callie," She inhaled deeply before continuing, "Meredith Grey, I had sex with Meredith Grey." The words were spoken so softly that Callie had barely heard them. "And god I want to do it again," She whispered.

"I will get her for you," Callie responded and Addison nodded desperately in thanks before heading to the nearest on call room, which was thankfully empty.

"What's the emergency Callie?" Meredith asked when she arrived a few minutes later.

"Your girlfriend is waiting for you," She said pointing to the on call room as she spoke.

"Girlfriend?" Meredith questioned.

"Addison," She stated as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"But we weren't going to meet until lunch."

"Oh I think she wants an early lunch," Callie responded suggestively causing the second year resident's eyes to widen in surprise. "And she's kind of my friend so I don't think I need to tell you," Meredith cut her off with a quick shake of her head. "Just make sure you lock the door." With that the ortho resident walked off.

"Addie," Meredith gasped as she opened the door to the on call room and the woman in question pinned her to the door. Her lips crashed against the blonde's as she pulled her into a fierce kiss. Her tongue exploring the younger woman's mouth causing her to moan in pleasure at the contact. The blonde somehow managed to lock the door she was pressed against before busying herself with the removal of the redhead's clothes. "God you are so wet," She hissed as her fingers slipped into her lover's panties. "We did this less than three hours ago, and yet here you are soaking wet, and I cannot say no." Addison had no idea how the young resident did it, but before she knew it she was on her back completely naked on one of the bottom bunks and two fingers were teasing her slit. The two digits swirled her arousal barely dipping into the redhead's needy core, Meredith then slipped the digits into her lover's mouth and she moaned as she tasted herself.

"Callie said my girlfriend was here," Meredith whispered as she removed her fingers from Addison's mouth and flicked her thumb over her clit causing the woman to groan in frustration. "Do you want to be my girlfriend Addison?" Another whimper was her only response as she continued teasing her sex with her right hand. "Girlfriends come to see you at work when they're horny and pull you into on call rooms, so I think you want to be my girlfriend." Addison didn't say anything, "You have to give me something here Addie, because I don't know what you want."

"Yes," She whimpered, "I want to be your girlfriend," She moaned.

"Good, because now I can do this," She whispered and before the redhead knew it her girlfriend was topless and hovering over her teasingly in only a pair of panties. The blonde guided her breast through wet folds causing the redhead to gasp in surprise before thrusting the breast between Addison's parted lips. Her tongue swirled over the arousal coated nipple as Meredith leaned over whispering in the redhead's ear, "You taste so good Addie." She then took her lover's hand and slipped it into her wet panties.

"Oh god you're so wet," Addie gasped. When she removed her hand she took each finger between her lips separately and suckled each arousal coated digit. "You taste so good," She whispered as she licked the last bit off of her fingers.

"You taste better." Meredith's words ghosted over Addie's ear moments before her mouth was on the woman's sex. She licked her way up her lover's slit before thrusting two slender digits into her center. Her lips teased Addison's clit, suckling gently as the sensitive bud teeth grazing lightly over the sensitive flesh as her fingers worked their magic. It wasn't long before she had the redhead wriggling in pleasure as she climaxed.

"Mmm, that was amazing," Addie murmured as Meredith came up to kiss her and she tasted herself on the blonde's lips. "I never would have expected you to be all take charge in bed, I must admit that I like it though."

"I've been told that I'm bossy." She responded grinning. "Funny thing is, you were exactly what I expected, all sexy and take charge last night, and then you threw me against the door, like a woman that knows what she wants, but of course you wanted me between your legs, so you let me take charge. You get what you want, I get what I want, and you liked it."

"You've given this a lot of thought, getting me into bed I mean."

"Have you looked in a mirror lately Addie? Of course I think about getting you into bed even before I was a lesbian. The reality is so much better though." Meredith's words left the redhead grinning with confidence "You are so beautiful." The words were barely past her lips before Addison had flipped her onto her back and was grinning wickedly on top of her.

"I think it's time we get rid of these," Addie whispered as she removed her girlfriend's panties leaving the blonde complete naked underneath of her. Unfortunately her pager went off a moment later. "Karev has a piggyback surgery," She read disappointedly, "And you have the sparkle pager so it's yours if you want it." Addie sighed and made to get off of her girlfriend, but Meredith pulled her back.

"Alex can have it, I want you." She pulled the redhead's lips down to meet her own in a searing kiss. The sparkle pager was ignored as Addison had her way with her very naked girlfriend. It was almost 6 when it became relevant once again as it woke Meredith up. It was Derek asking where she was, he'd sent 4 other pages, all asking the same thing.

"Addie," She whispered to the redhead who was happily curled up next to her, smiling in her sleep. "Sweetie it's almost 6," She whispered, pressing her lips to the older woman's forehead. She sighed happily as she opened her eyes. "When is your flight?"

"Not until 10," She murmured. "We didn't do the talking thing, you kind of distracted me with the sexing thing. We need to do the talking thing Mer," She rambled.

"Then we'll do the talking thing," She said running her fingers through dark red locks.

"Stop that, it's distracting," She snapped, "What are we doing Meredith?"

"What do you want us to do Addison?" Meredith asked and Addison sighed in frustration. "Because I really like this, and I think you like this too, and this is like the best sex ever and I want to do it again, but you live in LA and I need a plane to see you, it's not practical, but I don't care. I want it, I want you, and I'm rambling so I need you to tell me what you want." Addison silenced her with a kiss.

"I want you too I want this, but we do live in two different places and I have a life in LA and you have one here and we can't just uproot our lives because we had sex. Incredible, mind blowing, best sex ever kind of sex, I really can't give the sex enough credit. You and me, it's strange, but I want us to try, the sex is too good not to try. We can talk and get to know each other and if it works, if we work, we'll deal with our geographical challenges. Are you in?" Meredith nodded, said she was in, and they sealed the deal with a kiss. "Are you actually going to call me?" She asked suspiciously.

"No. You are going to call me as soon as you get home so that I know you're alright, and I don't care if it's 4 when you finally get home, I am on call tonight and I just had a nap with my new girlfriend and I will be awake and happy to hear your voice." Meredith's pager went off again. "Your ex-husband is wondering where I am."

"Let him wonder a little while longer," Addison said. She kissed the blonde passionately and slipped two fingers into her center.

xxx

"Wow," Meredith gasped. It was 6:30 now and Derek had paged Meredith a total of 7 times asking where she was, each page had gone unanswered.

"I know definitely wow. I don't think wow even begins to cover it."

"We're good Addie, so good, but you have to go soon and I'm going to hate it, because this is just, I'm ready to give up the parts of my life that don't involve you, me and nudity."

"We need to get dressed," Addison giggled as they groped around in the dark searching for their clothes, before finally turning the light on.

"Hey, you have clothes." Meredith was giggling now. "You're going to call me right?" Addison nodded in response to Meredith's question, and she was rewarded with a kiss. "This is where we part," She whispered and Addison nodded sadly, neither wanted to move, they wanted the moment to last forever.

"Are we," Addie began, eyes watering as she spoke. "Are we you know, or are we uh," She couldn't bring herself to finish, but Meredith understood what she was trying to say.

"You want us to be right?" Addison nodded, "Then I am all yours, we are Addison and Meredith, we're us, we're not Derek and Addison or Derek and Meredith. Everything that happened with you and Derek and me and Derek is in the past now, any mistakes we made are too, let's just start fresh, like it never happened."

"You are full of surprises Meredith Grey," She whispered with a small smile, "And I am all yours, if you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you," She whispered. "I am full of surprises aren't I? I mean I did kind of steal your husband, and then last night I told you I was a lesbian, and we had sex all night and then I turned down a cool surgery for you and now I'm saying comforting things about our relationship. Think you can handle the surprises?"

"Turning down a cool surgery is good for my ego, especially when my girlfriend is a second year surgical resident, and now you and Mark don't have to start a new club." Meredith gave her a quizzical look. "Did you think I didn't hear about the dirty mistresses club?" Meredith grinned. "I shot him down the other day," She explained.

"You know we never had any meetings right? Wait you turned Mark Sloan down two days ago and spent all day in an on call room with me? I have to rub that in his face, you are very good for my ego." Addison's expression fell at Meredith's words. "I don't kiss and tell Addie, but Mark Sloan is a notorious manwhore, and the nurses that are mad at him all knew what they were signing up for, and they're pissed, I get that, I understand why the girls at the bar are pissed too, but they knew what they were getting into. He promised them a good time and I'm sure he delivered. And I don't know what happened between you and Mark, but I get the feeling he promised you more than a good time." Addison nodded tearfully, "He hurt you, and he hits on you, and he's seen you naked, and I don't like guys that have seen my girlfriend naked and I don't like ones that have hurt you either." Meredith was rewarded with a kiss.

"He won't tell Derek if you do tell him, Mark, I," Meredith silenced the redhead with another kiss.

"If and when you are ready to talk about things with Mark, I will listen, but now isn't the time. Right now, I have to kiss you goodbye, and I don't want to say goodbye so I need you to kiss me." Addison wasted no time in complying to the blonde's wish, her hands settling on her girlfriend's waist as the blonde wrapped her arm around her neck. "You'll call me right?" Meredith asked again as they parted, and Addison nodded. "I have to go, and I'm going to miss you, but you call me, and we'll go from there." Addison nodded once again and gave the young woman another kiss before allowing her to leave.

"Derek has been looking for you all day," Meredith heard as she unfortunately stepped into an elevator containing one Mark Sloan. "Where have you been Grey?" She turned to face him fully, and he took in her appearance and her wicked grin. "My favorite dirty mistress has been doing the dirty all day, I approve."

"My redhead from last night, followed me to work and I don't know why I wasted my time with blondes. Redheads are really the only way to go," She said as the elevator opened and as she stepped out, she swore she heard Mark say, "God I miss Addison." And she smirked all the way to the resident's locker room.

"Jealous Grey?" Alex asked the moment he saw her. Last time he had tried to brag about the smell of heart surgery, she'd almost hurt him, so this time he took a different approach, "You smell like sex." She grinned.

"All. Day. Long." She said pausing between each word for emphasis, and Izzie turned to look at her. "She followed me to work Iz, and I think I now have the sexiest sort of girlfriend in the world. And all the men who let her go are going to be so disappointed that they can't watch." No one else mentioned it, and Izzie and Callie kept the name of her sort of girlfriend to themselves. Addison did call when she got home from the airport and they did in fact go from there.

* * *

"I hate Mark Sloan," Meredith grumbled into the phone, not knowing that her girlfriend was grinning on the other end. "It's all his fault that we had to fill out these stupid sexual partner forms."

"Wait you had to fill out forms?" She was trying not to giggle at the blonde's expense.

"Yeah, about all the hospital employees that we've had sex with, and Derek and his stupid girlfriend," Addison cut her off.

"Why do you care about who Derek sleeps with?"

"I don't care who he sleeps with, I care that she stared at me while she filled the form out, it was uncomfortable, and I was already sitting at a table with Izzie and Callie, and George was there asking people to fill out sexual history forms. It is not about Derek. It was just really uncomfortable, and my girlfriend lives two states away and I can't have sex with her, which in case you didn't know is very frustrating." Addison chuckled and told her she understood. The talking thing was off to a good start.

"Maybe Izzie and Callie should have sex, it's really working for us," Addison added with a laugh a few minutes later, they ended their call later that night while they were still laughing, Meredith told Izzie that she and Callie should have sex the next day. Once the blonde realized that her friend was joking she started laughing as well.

* * *

Meredith woke to the sound of her phone ringing, she groaned and hit her head on the bookshelf she had fallen asleep against and she grunted into her phone when she finally answered her phone.

"You didn't call me, you promised you would call, I fell asleep waiting for you to call, why didn't you call?"

"Addison?" She blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes sleepily knocking a book off of her shelf and onto her head in the process. "Ow!" She yelped as it landed.

"Why didn't you call?" Addison asked once again.

"Addison what time is it?" She asked completely ignoring her girlfriend's question.

"It's 5:32 why didn't you call?" She continued pressing for an answer.

"Shit, shit, shit I fell asleep in the research library," She groaned. "If it makes you feel any better a textbook hit me in the head, that can be my punishment for not calling." Meredith was sure that Addison was smiling in LA she swore she could hear it over the phone even if it was silly. "Sorry I didn't call, but your voice is really nice to wake up to."

"You really know how to sweet talk a girl Grey." Addison was definitely smiling in LA.

"Well I have to because I have less than 28 minutes to put these books back and write down a few notes and give my interns their assignments and I don't think I'm gonna be able to get coffee, so I am going to have to sweet talk you into letting me call you back."

"You'll actually call?"

"Yes I will as soon as my interns are taken care of and I have my mocha latte I will call you." Addison accepted her answer and they said their goodbyes. Meredith's latte did have to wait until after she was done bossing her interns around and once she had her caffeinated beverage she was dialing her favorite redhead when Derek appeared eager to ignore the fact that she was on the phone.

"I'm on the phone Derek we'll talk later," She said as she walked away from him but he followed after her asking about the research until she stepped into the ladies room where Callie Torres stood washing her hands. The ortho surgeon took in the sight before her, Meredith was pressed against the door breathing deeply, coffee cup in one hand phone in the other.

"Hi Addison," Callie said as she took the phone from the blonde's hand. "You should know that your girlfriend is hiding from your ex-husband in the ladies room." She said before handing the phone back to the second year resident and stepping out of the bathroom. Addison could hear Callie tell Derek that Meredith was talking to her girlfriend and would like some privacy. Meredith stayed hidden in the bathroom feeling mortified.

* * *

"Addison we did it! We saved someone!" She exclaimed excitedly into the phone.

"That's great Mer," She said adjusting to the surprise of this phone call.

"And I am taking a few days off to come see you. I'm also planning to drink lots of champagne with Derek right now as we celebrate lucky 13. I miss you Addie."

"I miss you too, you're really going to come visit?"

"Yes as soon as possible, but I have to go now and celebrate but I will come and see you very soon."

"Derek, remember when I hid from you in the ladies room and Callie came out and told you I was on the phone with my girlfriend?" He simply nodded. "She meant my girlfriend, I am seeing someone, a female someone and it's kind of serious." Meredith told the neurosurgeon that evening as they celebrated their one success. He'd said something about them getting back together, and she had to set him straight. When it was finally time to see Addison she'd excitedly told her that Derek knew she had a girlfriend, that she'd finally told him. She hadn't mentioned that her girlfriend was his ex-wife, but she had told him that she was into women.

"Why did you and Derek really break up, was it because of the lesbian thing or was there something else?" Addison asked as she and Meredith curled up in bed together. The talking thing was nice it was really working out for them, especially considering the fact that Meredith's body was against her at the moment. She had taken time off to visit her girlfriend and instead of having sex, Addison was giving her ibuprofen and spooning her physically miserable girlfriend.

"It's complicated Addie, it just wasn't working out I mean one day we're dating other people and the next day he wants to build a house. I mean there are steps in a relationship and he just, he knows what he wants and I don't and he wanted me to know what I wanted and want what he wanted because he wanted it, it just wasn't working and then there was the lesbian thing too."

"So you don't know what you want?"

"I know I want you," Meredith whispered. Things were silent between them after that. "It's okay if you know what you want Addison, I just can't do that right now. It was like running up the stairs and when you skip steps you fall. I do want things I just can't skip all those steps Addie." The redhead nodded in understanding.

"If I told you what I wanted would that scare you away?" Meredith shook her head.

"As long as you don't want to get married and build houses and have babies," Meredith stopped upon seeing Addison's expression, "Right now, I think we'll be fine. It's okay if you want those things Addison, I'm just not ready for those things right now. I like this what we're doing now, Derek put a rush on things that was the problem, and you know I'm dark and twisty and according to the psych textbook I have abandonment issues and my therapist would say that I have daddy issues and mommy issues."

"We all have issues Meredith," Addison said with a smile. "Do you want to have children?" The redhead had to know, she knew Meredith had parental issues, but she had to know if she wanted children.

"I'm pretty sure my father is an alcoholic and the chief and I washed my mother's ashes away in the scrub room for OR 4. I chose to become a surgeon because my mother said I couldn't do it, I know that I want you Addison, and I get the feeling that you want children and if we become serious then that's what I want too. And I'm already out to prove that I can be as good as my mother in the OR I'd like to think I could be a better mother."

"Just not right now?" The. blonde nodded, "So Derek's an ass?" Meredith grinned at her girlfriend's words.

"Yeah I guess he kind of is, but you know in the way that he's my friend and I kinda love him. He's kinda like my gay best friend except he sleeps with women and wants to have sex with me." Addison couldn't help herself as she fell into a fit of laughter with her girlfriend.

The five days they spent together in LA may have been sexless but when Meredith had to return to the reality of surgical residency at Seattle Grace Hospital she felt that she knew the woman she called her girlfriend better. Addison had opened up about Mark, and in turn Meredith made a note to tell her girlfriend every embarrassing thing that happened to the man and make jokes at his expense. It might be strange for them to be together considering the way that they met, but it seemed like they really fit well together. There was an understanding that Meredith wasn't ready to get married and live happily ever after, but she was trying to make things work at a more suitable pace. She called to tell her girlfriend she had gotten home safely and they continued their over the phone relationship.

* * *

"So remember that time when I came to LA to visit you and I was a menstrual mess and we didn't have sex?" Meredith asked when Addison answered her phone.

"You know hello Addison works well too Mer."

"Hello Addison, I'm horny and I miss you." She could hear her girlfriend laughing on the other end and while the redhead found the situation amusing she couldn't resist her horny long distance girlfriend. She told her all the dirty things she would do to her if they were together in that on call room in Seattle and she couldn't help but finger herself when Meredith returned the sentiment. She imagined her fingers were those of her lover and bit her lip hard as she came.

"I never do things like this Meredith, what are you doing to me?" She whispered, "I miss you too you know, call me later?"

"You can count on it Addie, enjoy the rest of your day." They disconnected and as Meredith went to leave the on call room she ran straight into one Mark Sloan.

"Who is in there with you Grey?" He asked looking over her shoulder into the empty room. "That was all you?" Her cheeks were a little flush and her hair was a mess oh god. She didn't have time to think about it though as Mark noticed the phone in her left hand. "Oh that is so hot!"

"Get the dirty out of your eyes Mark, there will be no threesomes, there will be no more boys and their stupid boy parts I am only having sex with women and I really like this one, so you will not be suggesting this again because it won't happen, ever." She paused for a moment before adding "And you can't watch!" He shrugged said that it was disappointing but seemed to accept her response and he walked away. When Meredith came home that night Addison was naked in her bed.

* * *

Meredith called Addison when Derek spent the night with her, she'd complain about his morning breath and how he couldn't handle her snoring, but that he was warm and cuddly and not in LA. Sometimes Izzie slept with Meredith too, and the blonde told her girlfriend about it. She told her that Derek had tried to get Mark to sleep with Cristina because Meredith was always on the phone with her person as they read her mother's old journals. She didn't neglect to mention the fact that Cristina had ignored all of his come on attempts. They'd had a good laugh.

Things were pretty perfect until Addison set foot inside of Seattle Grace Hospital again, this time with her sick brother and a desire for Derek to play God. Callie had said something about her happy Vegas bubble with George after they were married and how coming back to the hospital had burst that bubble, and Meredith had a feeling that reality was about to come crashing in on her.

"Addison didn't tell me she had a brother." The words spilled out of Meredith's mouth when she found out that Addison was there with her brother.

"Why would she tell you?" Then Cristina froze as realization hit her. "So Addison is your super secret girlfriend, there really is never a dull moment with you." Then there was the redhead's brother.

"You're just another surgery hungry surgical resident, and you're sleeping with Derek so if he does the surgery you're in, and I'm not having the surgery."

"You will have the surgery, and I will convince Derek to do it if your sister can't, and I will be in the OR, and I am not sleeping with Derek." She was firm in her words. "You will do this for Addison, she's praying and you're her brother," Archer cut her off.

"And you're Addie's mystery girl," He said. There was no further argument, Derek was going to do the surgery. Meredith spent the half hour following the agreement that surgery would in fact be performed holding her girlfriend in an on call room in a desperate attempt to sooth the woman. She spent even more time trying to comfort the woman in the time between the end of the surgery and when her brother woke up. Callie had come to inform them of the good news while Addie slept in Meredith's lap.

* * *

"You were just saying that because I said something about Lexie right?" Addison asked as she sat down with Mark at the Emerald City Bar. "Meredith said they were just friends."

"Come on Addison you knew it was going to happen eventually and that was the last time you were here things have changed since then, she claims she's a lesbian, but they practically live together now. I know it sucks that he's moving on first," He couldn't say anything else as Addison cut him off.

"They're not together," She whispered desperately, "Meredith promised that it was over." Realization hit Mark at Addison's words, but he didn't have time to say anything as Meredith herself walked in.

"Hey I heard you guys were over here so I thought I'd come and tell you Derek got pulled into surgery said he's sorry, and you Addison," Meredith started with a smile reaching out for her girlfriend's arm. "Your brother said he's feeling good and that you should stop worrying."

"Don't touch me!" Addison exclaimed bitterly.

"Addison what's wrong?" She reached out to touch the woman again and she pulled away angrily. "Did I do something?" Meredith asked worriedly.

"You're a liar, you said it was over, but you're living together and he's planning to propose," Her friends were silent as she stood there voice shaking as she spoke. Anger was apparent and she looked like she might cry and Meredith stood there trying not to laugh.

"It's funny, this is funny. Derek stays with me a lot, but you know that because I tell you when he stays with me, and your friends, they think I'm the whore that stole your husband and they've been treating me like that since they've been here. You've done nothing to make them think otherwise and I think I've been understanding. You didn't tell me you were coming and I understood because you were scared your brother was sick, you didn't tell me you had a brother and I get that because family isn't something we talk about. But calling me a liar when I had to have an excuse to come over here and I can actually see the lightbulb going on over Mark's head right now. He didn't know you were my hot redhead because I'm only allowed to be your girlfriend in a locked room in the dark, so maybe I'll just leave and I can be your ex-girlfriend." Meredith turned and walked out with tears in her eyes.

"You really screwed up there Addison," Mark finally said as the silence became unbearable. "Can't believe I missed that, all the hot redhead comments in the elevator I guess Erica and Callie distracted me," He said somewhat disappointed that he'd missed this latest development. "Derek thinks she's making you up, because friends tell each other about who they're dating and she won't give him any details about you and I get that, but you, you let them think, and that's your girlfriend. Fix it."

xxx

There was a blonde sitting next to Meredith, she had her hand on the surgical resident's thigh and was whispering something suggestive in her ear. The blonde was young.

"Can't a girl drink in peace? I'm not interested," Meredith snapped causing the young woman to jump up and walk away dejectedly, leaving Meredith alone at the bar she hadn't set foot in since she went home with Addison six months ago. "Jen can I get another?"

"You've been here for an hour and you've already had half the bottle Mer," She responded softly.

"Maybe you should slow down," Addison whispered, slipping onto the stool the young blonde had just vacated. Meredith didn't even turn to look at her.

"Get me a beer," Jen nodded hoping that the pair would talk if she left them alone for a few moments, but the blonde continued to ignore the redhead she'd spent the past hour complaining about, until Jen returned with her beer. Meredith really had no intention of drinking the beer, she just wanted to have something to busy her hands. "Jen, is my ex-girlfriend sitting next to me, or did I just get into a fight with my girlfriend? I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I know I haven't shut up about her since I got here." The young bartender looked between the two women before responding to the blonde's question.

"I think you and your girlfriend had a fight, and she's here to apologize."

"Is that what happened Addison?" She asked, finally turning to look at the redhead.

"I think that's what happened and I am here to apologize, and take you home, let me take you home Mer, let me take care of you," She whispered. Their eyes locked, sad blues meeting apologetic grays, and they stayed there staring at each other on their bar stools before Meredith held out her hand, and Addison took it and they stepped down from their stools together hand in hand.

"I'm sorry too Addie." Addison led her out of the bar and they went home hand in hand. Addison held her drunk girlfriend as they slipped into bed that night. "I wanted to tell you something, but I think it's a sober talking thing," She slurred as she snuggled into the redhead. "I like talking to you Addie." She was smiling as she spoke and soon after the room was filled with the sounds of her snores.

The following morning, Addison found herself holding blonde locks as her girlfriend empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. "If I feel this way after all of our fights, I'm breaking up with you for real," Meredith groaned as she flushed the toilet.

"But we can also have makeup sex," Addison whispered suggestively much to the delight of the hungover blonde. "Last night you said we needed to sober talk, do you want to talk now?" Meredith shook her head in response.

"I wanna get to the makeup sex part," She said with a wicked grin.

"Brush your teeth."

"Then makeup sex?" The blonde question with a grin, temporarily distracted from her hungover. The redhead nodded and said "And then makeup sex." Meredith was happy to comply to her girlfriend's wishes as she brushed her teeth and then went a little overboard with the mouthwash before returning to the redhead that was now sitting in her bed. "So about the makeup sex," She teased. Addison pulled her into her arms and began peppering kisses along the blonde's exposed neck.

"You were a very good girlfriend yesterday, even with the yelling which I totally deserved, I shouldn't have let Mark," She paused for a moment before continuing "It's just that I've been a cheater and I've been cheated on, and..." Meredith silenced her, placing her index finger on the redhead's lips.

"It's okay Addie, we're making up now, nothing else matters," She whispered removing her finger as she continued "Now please, I like the kissing." Addison was left grinning at the woman in her arms. She pressed her lips against the blonde's temple before resuming her assault on the blonde's neck. Meredith's eyes closed as she gave into the warm sensation of perfect lips against her neck and perfect teeth nibbled at her earlobe. "Oh god Addie, I love you." The words left her mouth and her eyes were wide in shock a moment later. Addison stopped what she was doing, and the moment their eyes met, Meredith squeezed her eyes shut in fear. "Oh god I, can we just," Addison stopped her with a loving kiss.

"I love you too," She whispered the moment they parted. Clothes were thrown away and as they touched nothing else mattered, the rest of the world could wait.

* * *

"My guy is kicking your guy's ass," Alex said with a smirk as they went to scrub back in.

"I think you're confused as to where my loyalties really lie."

"You and Addison?" Meredith simply smiled as her roommate finally realized that the redhead was her secret or perhaps not so secret girlfriend.

* * *

"What happened in that OR today, that can't happen again, I can't be between you and Derek in that situation, I just can't do it again. I can't be away from you, I am stupid in love with you, but in the operating room Derek he's mine and having you there complicates things and I can't do my job and I know that you were right, but you can't be all scalpel happy while I'm trying to talk him down. And you can't say Meredith like that because I love you and reasons." Addison put her arms around her girlfriend effectively ending her rant

"I understand," She whispered.

"No, no you don't, because I love you, but I love neurosurgery too so in the OR I love Derek. And the chief thinks it is too early in my training to specialize but I want the brain. I can't be a general surgeon. I just can't be Ellis Grey's daughter, and I told my mother I wanted to find a cure for Alzheimer's and I do and I want neurosurgery and Derek is neurosurgery, but I can't be here, because I need to be with you, I miss you like crazy when you're not here and I need time to figure things out because I can't choose, I want you and I want the surgery."

"Relax Mer and just tell me what you're trying to say, no rambling."

"This isn't working anymore, you in LA and me in Seattle, and this can't happen again, I can't be in the OR between you and Derek, but I need time to finish this year of residency and find a place."

Addison cut her off, " You mean you'll move to LA? For me?" She never expected to hear that and when Meredith simply nodded and smiled she had never been so happy.

* * *

"Quitting, Running, Hiding by Meredith Grey? I think that's your book Derek, isn't that what you did to Addison when you came out here and met me? You quit your marriage and ran across the country and hid in the woods!"

"Don't bring Addison into this!" He shouted, not forgetting her presence in the surgery that had been his downfall. Meredith knew he wouldn't say it out loud, but he blamed her. She had made him feel like God and then she'd brought him crashing back down to earth because he put her and her brother ahead of his pregnant patient.

"But she is in this Derek, she will always be in this. You didn't tell me you had a wife she's why Meredith and Derek don't work, I'm in love with her Derek! She's my secret girlfriend the one I didn't want to tell you about because you're my friend and I didn't want to hurt you, and I know there is a ring, but I love her the way I can't love you. I want to do all those things you wanted the day after we stopped seeing other people but I want them with her because I am in love with her. She will always be between us and I'm sorry that, that hurts you, but she is so don't say that I'm quitting and running and hiding because those are your tricks Derek Shepherd and I wont accept your bullshit tonight. You are going to pull yourself together and get back to being the man that I admire in the OR." She spoke firmly, she wouldn't be accepting anything less than this man's best.

"You love her?" He had never expected her to say that.

"I do, I'm absolutely crazy about her and I'm planning to move to LA to be with her, Meredith Grey is making plans. And I'm not going to quit on you right now because I know you need me, and I'm not running from the situation and I'm not hiding my relationship anymore. I love her, but you are still my friend Derek and Mark is kinda afraid you'll punch him again if he tries to talk to you right now so you've got me." He didn't say anything he just allowed the blonde to wrap her arms around him and lead him inside and into his bed. She threw her leg around him along with her arm and lay half on top of him, just holding him in place.

"How did this happen Meredith? You and Addison?"

"How did we happen Derek? We had a few drinks and I took her home with me and as crazy as it sounds, against all odds, we fell in love."


	2. Meredith's POV

Stepping into this fandom, which I've only been watching since I was having trouble sleeping in mid-March wasn't something that I did lightly. I watched 6 almost 7 seasons of it on netflix, and somewhere mid season 4 I thought fanfic. But what pairing? I started watching because twitter was abuzz with Calzona tweets on Thursday nights, but I wasn't quite there yet. I'm not one for the canon pairings, and then I thought OMG Addison/Meredith, I became obsessed and started rewatching episodes instead of finishing season 7 and watching season 8. Naturally I wanted to write for them, but it isn't something I've spent years familiarizing myself with, so I don't know the characters that well, so I had ideas but 1st person wasn't working because I didn't know whose perspective to write from, so I stepped out of my comfort zone and tried third person, while also writing for a new fandom.

This story was something that was beautiful in my mind and in my notebook while I was plotting it out, but I felt that it fell flat. So here I am presenting you my lovely readers with another version from Meredith's POV, and I hope you will enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. While it follows the same story line I wrote different scenes/phone calls between Meredith and Addison for this one and the dialogue is not exactly as it was in the original version

_Oh baby please let's leave the past behind us, behind us,_  
_So that we can go where love will find us, it will find us_  
_I know most girls would leave me_  
_But I know that you believe me_  
If I knew~Bruno Mars

* * *

So maybe I didn't have the best timing, but Derek was my friend, he was my male Cristina and I couldn't just let him hide in the woods. He was hiding from the reality which was that he had lost a patient, he wouldn't say it even if it was true, but I knew he blamed Addison. I didn't think it was her fault, and I was sure that he knew it wasn't her fault, but she was the reason he had put the woman's surgery off, she had made him feel invincible, and then she'd been there when reality came crashing in on him, she was an easy target. I needed a rousing speech, but he was yelling at me, screaming that I knew all about quitting and running and hiding, and suddenly timing didn't matter anymore, it needed to get out.

* * *

Addison was safe, she didn't live in Seattle, she was going home to LA, she wouldn't be working in the hospital the following day, she wouldn't be gossiping to nurses, she'd be somewhere else, probably enjoying the sun in LA, and that's why I ran after her. She said something about not letting Derek get away, but I wasn't really listening. I wanted to just scream "I'm a lesbian" to her, because the words needed to be freed. Sure I'd been having sex with women, my friends knew, they thought it was my way of dealing with the McDreamy breakup, but it wasn't, I was really gay. Mark Sloan also knew, but I'm pretty sure it was just all the dirty in his mind. I had actually convinced him that he was just thinking about threesomes when he called me out for flirting with a woman at Joe's a few weeks ago. It wasn't exactly a secret that the nurses had formed a club against him. I told Addison that Derek and I were over, we were just two people that worked together now, there was nothing else. Then instead of confessing my lesbianism, as I'd been dying to do, I told her I needed to get my drink on and left.

Jen knew just what I needed when I sat down at the bar. "Rough day Mer?" I could only nod as I knocked back my shot. She told me it might get better, there was a hot and unfamiliar redhead heading over to me. I hadn't come here to meet someone, I'd given up on trying to take someone home with me since my whore status had been confirmed and no one wanted to sleep with me anymore. Then again, I'd been screwing dumb clingy blondes, redheads were hot too, I could work that. Hot redheads, that was exactly why I went for blondes all the time, so I wouldn't have to confront inappropriate feelings for a certain hot redhead that had been married to my ex-boyfriend. I had thought she was gorgeous the moment I had laid eyes on her, I was sure it was her legs, they were great legs. The things that I would do to those legs. At first I thought that I just noticed them because I was insecure about my relationship with Derek. I mean why would he want to be with me, when he was married to that? She was the competition, it was natural to compare and be jealous and insecure.

When she said that her affair was a cry for attention, she all but said outright that her husband had ignored her, that's when I realized it wasn't just that she was the competition. If I was married to that woman, she wouldn't be ignored. Screw surgery, who needed transplants and craniotomies and cool tumors, I'd come home every night and worship that woman. I wasn't by any means religious, but those legs they would be my heaven. I thought about making them shake in pleasure. Then she made a threesome comment, I was pretty sure she wasn't serious, but just the thought, I had to get out of there, because Derek wasn't factoring into any of my thoughts. He took her back, and yeah it hurt, but god I was just thinking about her. I wanted to impress her with the quints, but she was too focused on Izzie's over attachment to the patient to even notice. It had hurt, but I tried to pretend like it didn't matter. All the men I met at Joe's they weren't my way of getting over Derek, they were my way of forgetting about the gorgeous woman he was married to. Then Derek called me a whore, and she thought we were still sleeping together, I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that nothing was going on with Derek and I, but I mentioned Finn, and she understood. She was crushed, and then I slept with her husband at prom like a slut. I had killed any chance I had with her, I thought that was good, I didn't have a chance before, but now I knew for sure that there was no chance, and I thought I'd just stop thinking about her, and Derek and I worked things out for a while and then Burke left Cristina and I met a woman and... my inner ramblings were cut short.

"Is this seat taken?" It was Addison, and her perfect sexy goddess legs that took the seat next to me before I could even respond. I told Jen to get my stalker a drink and Addison had responded with a look of mock offense at being called a stalker. She could stalk me anytime she wanted if she wore that skirt while doing it. We exchanged pleasantries about her flight, it appeared that she still had time to kill. "So you're sleeping with women now?" She asked.

"So the hot redhead knows you," Jen commented as she poured another shot of tequila for me, it was great to have a bartender that knew me so well. She flirted shamelessly with Addison, which left me amused, especially when Addison asked if she'd been flirting with her. I told Addison the attractive ladies always sit with me. Clearly I'd had just enough to drink to get brave enough to flirt with her myself. The moment was ruined when one of my unfortunate one night stands slapped me and started bitching about how I didn't call, then she insulted Addison before walking off with her giggling friends. Well there goes my confidence. I wanted to reassure her, tell her she was beautiful, that they were just ditzy blondes, but my confidence was waning and I made a stupid comment instead and Jen had to save me. She got the woman another drink and told her she was beautiful. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful.

"Jen's good for the ego really good in fact," I said filling the silence. "And I am sleeping with women now, or I was until the anti-Meredith club. At least Mark has Callie, so getting shut down by the nurses isn't such a big deal, but me, I'm just getting shut down, no sex for Meredith," I sighed sadly. "It's sad really, I had so much denial breakup sex with Derek, and I, if I hadn't been such an asshole to the girls I slept with, I'm ready to be gay now, I've accepted that I like women, I like sex with women, and I'm ready to be with one, and no one wants me, because I'm the asshole that says they'll call, and then doesn't call, and then when you see me again I'm with another girl."

"So I leave Seattle and everyone suddenly becomes a lesbian? I mean first Erica and Callie, and now you, when did this happen Meredith?" I ignored the redhead's question and repeated, "Callie and Erica?" I had no idea that something was going on between the orthopedic and heart surgeons, sure Cristina said they were at her place a lot, but just as friends. "Yes, but they just haven't realized it yet, and I only know because I'm all LA, and, but you and Derek, I thought you would work it out, I know at the wedding, but," I cut her off.

"I went to Hawaii with Cristina, and I haven't told anybody this, but I'm dying here, and if I tell you, who cares, because you are going home and won't gossip to nurses about the fact that I was a terrible friend and didn't remain celibate on what was supposed to be my person's honeymoon. We were supposed to drink and complain about Burke and Derek and men in general, but then I went to the bar without Cristina because I couldn't handle drinking with her anymore, and I met this woman. She had these sparkling blue eyes and her smile could melt a heart of stone, and we were flirting and then I was naked in her bed. So things with Derek, they are so over, he's, but I like having sex with women, it's never going to happen again, I am over boys and their stupid boy penises, and if you tell Derek that I told you this I will hurt you."

"He doesn't know?" The redhead asked, and I shook my head. She was the only one I had told about the blonde in Hawaii and my recently discovered sexuality, because I obviously couldn't tell Cristina that I had broken my vow of celibacy, which had started this whole thing. "Yang doesn't know either?" Again I shook my head.

"I couldn't tell her about Hawaii, and they all know I've been sleeping with women, I wasn't very discreet about the woman from accounting, but they think this is just my way of getting over Derek, but it isn't, I'm gay, and I think I have been for a while now, it just took having really great sex with a really hot blonde to open my eyes. I'm sorry you know, about Derek, but I'm a lesbian now and there will be no more sex with boys."

"I won't tell Derek," Addison whispered, and I mumbled a quick "Thank you," as I downed another shot. Addison surprised me when she spoke again, "I won't tell Derek if you don't." She cupped my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss, it was better than anything I could have ever imagined. Addison threw some bills onto the bar and told Jen she was good for the ego as she pulled me out of the bar. The kisses didn't stop once we got outside. It was raining, which wasn't a surprise, it was Seattle it always rained in Seattle, but we were kissing in the rain, and I'd never been kissed in the rain before and kissing Addison in the rain was perfect. We parted when we got into the cab, but then we were kissing the entire way back to my house, and when I finally had her there I wasted no time in taking her to bed. Clothes were shed and then before I knew it I was completely naked with her thigh pressed directly against my center and she was hovering over me clad only in a pair of lacy black panties. Her breath was hot against my ear and I thought I might spontaneously combust, having her here was better than anything I had ever imagined.

"I have had just enough to drink to think that this is a good idea. You better not make me regret this Meredith Grey." I had done this before, I knew what I was doing, but I had wanted this woman for so long, I'd wanted to make her legs shake in pleasure, I'd wanted her to walk funny after I was done with her, I had taken time to think about what she would like and now she was here. Addison Montgomery was in my bed, and I could have my way with her, I shook the thoughts away and focused on making her feel good. I took her earlobe between my teeth and nibbled gently before releasing her and whispering, "You won't," into her ear. She shivered in response, and I knew that I could do this, even if she refused to relinquish control.

I moved my hands to her hips and tugged at her panties, "These have got to go," I whispered, and she was more than happy to see them go, because the moment they were gone, I slid two fingers into her. I circled her clit teasingly with my thumb and she rocked against my hand. I watched as her eyes closed and her teeth dug into her lip as she clenched around my fingers. The expression of pure bliss on her face as she came against my hand should have been enough, but it wasn't I had to have her again, I needed to run my tongue through wet folds, I needed to taste her. She released a whimper of surprise when I shifted our positions so that she was hovering over me. Her juices coating her inner thighs distracted me, and as I began kissing my way up each thigh I felt them shake in pleasure. Everything after the moment I finally tasted her was a pleasant blur of kisses and licks and magical thrusts of fingers, we fell asleep in a satisfied tangle of limbs. Being with Addison was better than anything I had ever imagined, actually having her was better than any fantasy and I had, had plenty of fantasies about her. The sleep was perfect until Izzie woke us saying something about Derek and coffee, and that we had to leave in 10 minutes.

"You missed your flight," I whispered as we sat there sipping the coffee Izzie had brought us.

"It was so worth it," Addison murmured before pulling me in for a kiss.

"Shower?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically and I couldn't help but take advantage of the chance to have my way with her again. I didn't want to let her go, it seemed so unfair, I'd been wanting to do this with her for over a year, and it finally happened, and it was amazing, the sex was the stuff dreams were made of, and we couldn't just not do it again. "Do you have to go?" I asked as we dressed ourselves after our shower. She nodded sadly.

"I kind of wish I didn't have to go," She whispered, and her lips were on mine again, and that was all that mattered. "I definitely don't regret last night," She added, relieving any doubts I had with a simple sentence. "Are you going to be busy today?" She asked, looking quite hopeful. I shook my head and told her I'd be doing research all day for the clinical trial. We agreed that we would meet for lunch, and just as we'd reached that agreement Izzie was yelling for me to go.

"We're going to be late, Bailey hates tardiness" Izzie grumbled as we stepped into the elevator. "And it's all because you can't keep it in your pants, couldn't keep your hands off her this morning after going at it all night," Izzie teased, as the doors opened to reveal one Dr. Alex Korev.

"Couldn't keep your hands to yourself? Sorry I wasn't home to meet your latest conquest." Alex winked, he'd seen his fair share of my "conquests" since moving in, especially since I had entered the post McDreamy life. Mark boarded the lift at the next floor catching pieces of our conversation and joining in, Izzie made a remark about redheads not shutting me down after Alex had taken a jab at Mark and me. I fought hard not to blush. If Mark Sloan realized that I was indeed sleeping with women, it wasn't just a figment of his horny imagination, he'd be requesting threesomes, I so didn't need or want that. I was serious when I told Addison I was done with men last night. I told them I was growing as a person as the elevator dinged and we got out at our floor.

Once we entered the locker room, I spotted Cristina already dressed in her scrubs. "Somebody got laid last night. Are you done with blonde undergrads or did you sleep with Debbie from accounting again? I liked her." I shook my head, and heard Izzie use my comment about growing as a person against me, told Cristina I was sleeping with redheads now. Cristina may have been my person, my sister, my best friend, but I hadn't told her I had the hots for Addison, and I didn't need Izzie blurting it out, but she kept her mouth shut. "Speaking of redheads, I heard Montgomery was pissed when she found out you and McDreamy split up." Izzie's comment about Addison not being so pissed off this morning went unnoticed as Bailey appeared, breaking up our conversation and sending us off to our assignments.

* * *

"What's the emergency Callie?" I asked when I finally located the orthopedic surgeon. She told me my girlfriend was waiting for me in an on call room, and when I repeated the word in confusion she said "Addison," like I was some sort of blind fool, I did as the woman said and headed off for the room she had indicated, thinking the entire way there, _lock the door_.

"Addi-" I gasped, the moment I opened the door I found myself thrown against it, Callie's words about locking the door ran through my mind as I struggled to lock it, and once the lock was engaged I found myself able to relax into Addison's touch. She was kissing me, and my god it was the best feeling ever, if her lips could just be on mine forever I would die happy. She had changed clothes since I'd left her this morning, but she was smart enough to wear a skirt and forgo panties. "You are so wet," I whispered as my fingertips teased her folds. "Didn't we just do this? Like less than three hours ago?" Addison nodded. "Clearly I've had quite the affect on you, I like it." It didn't take me long to undress her and have her naked in the bottom bunk where I continued to tease the redhead with barely there touches. My fingers danced through her wet folds, almost touching her where she wanted it most, before I thrust my arousal coated fingers into her mouth. I was sure as I watched her lick my fingertips clean that nothing I had ever witnessed or could ever witness would be sexier.

"Callie told me that my girlfriend was waiting for me in here," I began, removing my fingers from her mouth as I did so deciding that my hand would be of better use somewhere else. I flicked my thumb over her clit teasingly, reducing the woman to whimpers. She was so fucking sexy. "Do you want to be my girlfriend Addison?" I leaned in to whisper the words seductively in her ear, she only whimpered in response. This woman was too much. I'd thought about having her naked plenty of times, the hot blonde in Hawaii may have been the turning point in my coming to terms with my sexuality, but Addison was the first woman I'd fantasized about. I wanted her to want to be my girlfriend. "Girlfriends don't want to have lunch in the cafeteria, they want to have you for lunch in an on call room," Addison hummed in approval, "I think you want me to be your girlfriend." She didn't say anything, and I stopped stroking her with my thumb, maybe the lack of sexual stimulation would be good for her brain. "You have to give me something Addie, I'm a doctor not a mind reader."

"Yes," Addison finally answered, "I want to be your girlfriend," She moaned. Those were the best 7 words I had ever heard, Addison Montgomery wanted to be my girlfriend. I undressed myself in record time, leaving just my panties on as I guided my breast through her wet folds. She gasped in surprise, but was rendered completely speechless when I thrust my breast into her mouth, and if I thought she looked sexy with my fingers between her lips, I didn't know how to describe this. I was vaguely aware of the fact that my girlfriend's tongue was teasing my nipple, but the sensation of lips against my arousal coated nipple didn't matter, the sight of it was all that I cared about. "You taste so good," I whispered. I didn't give her a chance to respond though as I guided her hand into my panties.

"Oh god, you're so wet," She gasped. I watched as she suckled at each arousal coated digit separately, licking each one clean with gentle flicks of her tongue. The legs were great, but her tongue, that was definitely my favorite, especially after all the things it had done to me last night, the memories alone were almost enough to make me come. "You taste good too," She whispered as she licked the last traces of arousal from her fingers.

"You taste better." The words ghosted over her ear causing a shiver of response. She was surprised when my tongue was sliding through her wet folds a moment later. I licked my way up my lover's slit before thrusting two fingers into her and taking her clit into my mouth, suckling at the sensitive bud as my fingers worked their magic inside of her, slowly bringing her over the edge.

"Mmm, that was amazing," Addie murmured as I came up to kiss her. "I never would have thought you would be all take charge like that in bed, it's quite the turn on."

"Well I have been told that I'm bossy." I didn't want to tell her that her ex-husband had been the one to tell me that though. "Wait, you've thought about what I would be like in bed?" Even in the dark I knew she was blushing. It was good to know I wasn't the only one that had put some thought into this, except if we had both been thinking about this before it was really just a shame that we hadn't done this sooner.

"Of course I thought about it, I really wish we did this sooner," She sighed.

"You mean when we were still the wife and dirty mistress," I teased much to Addison's amusement. "I wish we'd done this sooner too," I whispered surprising her with my words. "Really?" She'd asked, clearly surprised to realize that I had thought about this before too. "Have you not looked in a mirror lately Addison? You are absolutely breathtaking, if you hadn't been Derek's wife, I would have ditched him and gone gay for you the moment I laid eyes on you." Apparently that was the right thing to say because in the next moment Addison had me on my back underneath of her while she removed my panties. My pager went off and I watched as Addison scooped it up and read the page, apparently Alex had a piggyback surgery with Dr. Hahn, and the sparkle pager would get me in. Addison made to get up, but I pulled her back down, "Screw the surgery, I want you." That was all the encouragement Addison needed before happily having her way with me. My pager left forgotten.

As it turned out my pager had gone off a total of four times while Addison and I slept, Derek's fifth _where are you?_ had been the one to wake me up around six that evening. I freaked the moment I realized the time. "Addie." She didn't say anything, she just shifted next to me, trying to get closer, smiling in her sleep. "It's almost 6, Sweetie," I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead as she sighed. "When is your flight?" I asked as she opened her eyes.

"Not until 10," She murmured. "We didn't do the talking thing Meredith, you kind of distracted me with the sexing thing. We need to do the talking thing before I leave Mer," She was starting to ramble, when I started running my fingers through dark red strands and told her we could do the talking thing. "Stop that," She snapped, "It's distracting! What are we doing Meredith?"

"What do you want us to do Addison?" I asked causing Addison to sigh in frustration. "Because I really like this, and I think you like this too, and this is like the best sex ever and I want to do it again, but you live in LA and I need a plane to see you, it's not practical, but I don't care. I want it, I want you, and I'm rambling so I need you to tell me what you want." Addison answered with a kiss, effectively ending my rambling.

"I want you too I want this, but we do live in two different places and I have a life in LA and you have one here in Seattle. I can't ask you to move there, and I can't move back here on a whim because we had sex. Incredible, mind blowing, puts all other sex to shame kind of sex, I really can't give the sex enough credit. You and me, it's strange, but I want us to try, the sex is too good not to try. We can talk and get to know each other and if it works, if we work, we'll deal with our geographical challenges. Are you up for giving us a try?" I nodded, and told her I was in, and we kissed in celebration. "Are you actually going to call me?" She asked suspiciously, remembering the conversation we had, had last night.

"No. You are going to call me as soon as you get home so that I know you're alright, and I don't care if it's 4 when you finally get home, I am on call tonight and I just had a nap with my new girlfriend and I will be awake and happy to hear your voice." My pager went off again. "Your ex-husband is wondering where I am."

"Let him wonder a little while longer," Addison whispered seductively as she slid her hand between my thighs.

xxx

"Wow," I gasped. Derek had paged me 7 times in total and each page had gone unanswered, and it was 6:30 now.

"I don't think wow even begins to cover it," Addison panted in response.

"We're good Addie, so good, but you have to go soon and I'm going to hate it, because this is just, I'm ready to give up the parts of my life that don't involve you, me and nudity."

"We need to get dressed," Addison giggled as we groped around in the dark searching for our clothes, before finally turning the light on. I was giggling about her having clothes a moment later and asking her if she would really call. I'd told plenty of girls that I would call and I hadn't, it would be karma if Addison didn't call, but I wanted her to call, I didn't want to even think that she wouldn't call. I didn't want to go be a doctor, and I definitely didn't want her to leave. She promised she'd call and I kissed her in response. She was usually all confident, and she had just reassured me that she would call, when her confidence began to falter and she stumbled over her words trying to ask me if we were exclusive. I thought that it was pretty clear last night that the women of Seattle weren't anxious to get into my pants, but she obviously needed to be reassured.

"I am all yours Addison," I responded softly to her unspoken question. She smiled. "We are Addison and Meredith, and Derek, he is irrelevant. The past is in the past, let's just start fresh and put the past behind us." I knew that Derek was an important part of her past, she'd been married to the man for over a decade, but the mistakes she made in her relationship with him and the mistakes that I had made in my relationship with him were in the past now, we couldn't turn back time and undo what was done wrong, we could only move forward and be better with each other. She told me that she was all mine if I would have her. "Of course I'll have you, I turned down a piggyback surgery for you, if I didn't want you I would have taken the surgery."

"My second year surgical resident girlfriend is choosing me over surgery, it's really good for my ego." I grinned and whispered "You're worth twenty surgeries" in her ear. She was smiling in delight at my assessment and I smiled knowing that I had made her happy. "And now you and Mark don't have to start any new clubs," She whispered. I furrowed my brow in confusion, "I told him no the other day," She explained.

"Wait, you are telling me that you shot down Mark Sloan, manwhore extraordinaire two days ago, and then spent the day in an on call room with me? I'd love to go stick my tongue out at him, but that would just reinforce the 12 year old thing, and you don't want to date a 12 year old." She giggled at my words and I savored the sound.

"You're not going to tell him are you?" She sounded worried.

"And have him ask for a threesome? No thank you. While you are worth bragging about, I don't want to deal with Mark's dirty mind, right now I just want to kiss you." Addison happily gave into my demands and all thoughts of Mark and his dirty mind ceased when her lips touched mine, and all thoughts ceased when I felt her tongue against mine. The moment we parted I asked again if she would call, she had nodded and said she would call, and that we would go from there. "I have to go be a doctor now, and I don't really want to go be a doctor because that means I have to leave you, and I really don't want to do that, so you better kiss me again." The kiss was short, but it was all I needed, and the moment I slipped out of the room I knew she would call. Unfortunately my moment of clarity was ruined when I stepped into the elevator with one dirty minded plastic surgeon.

"Derek has been looking for you all day." Thankfully he couldn't see me roll my eyes. "Where have you been Grey?" I turned to face him with messy 'I just had sex' hair, and realization hit the man. "Oh." He understood. Sex would be more important than Derek for him too, I told him it was the redhead from our elevator conversation this morning, as I exited the elevator I definitely heard an "I miss Addison." I'd been tempted to tell the man she was unavailable, but I didn't, instead choosing to head to the locker room where Alex tried and failed to impress me with his surgery. I told him I'd been having sex all day, so I didn't really care about heart surgery, the sex was better. Addison did call me that night when she got home, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

"Addison we did it! Derek and I saved someone!" I exclaimed once Addison answered the phone, she grumbled something in response. "And I woke you up, I'm sorry."

"You did, but it's fine Meredith, I like hearing your voice, it's nice to wake up to, especially when you sound all happy and excited." The line was silent for a while and then Addison spoke again. "I miss you," It was a whisper, I barely heard it, but then I told her I missed her too, and that I was going to take a few days off now that the trial was over so that I could visit her. She perked up at that.

"But right now, I'm gonna go celebrate with Derek and a bottle of champagne, I just wanted to call and tell you before I'm drunk." We disconnected as I promised that I would be down to see her soon, and that night while Derek and I were celebrating, I told him I had a girlfriend.

* * *

"I told you why Derek and I broke up when you asked, so what happened with you guys back in New York? You don't have to tell me about Mark, but before that," She rolled over to face me fully. There was this sad look in her eyes, and I just wanted to be back on the beach with her, where she'd been smiling as we walked through the warm sand.

"We just fell apart, we didn't talk, we didn't fight, we just sort of existed in the same space and Mark was there, and I wasn't thinking and it just happened," She looked so calm as she said the words, but when she spoke again her voice began to crack. "And then Derek found us, and I tried to get him to stay, to tell him we could work it out, we could fix it, because we were Addison and Derek, but he left." I reached out and put my arm around her as she cried. "He just left, and Mark, he told me he loved me, that it would be okay, he promised it would be okay, and I stayed with him and he cheated on me and I was pregnant, but I couldn't, I've always wanted a baby, but I couldn't, I needed Derek, I wanted him back." She sobbed. "I hurt that poor man Meredith, I'm a terrible person," Addie was sobbing into my chest now and all I could do was stroke her hair and press my lips to the top of her head. "You should just, you," I cut her off there.

"We all make mistakes Addie." She wasn't going to let me continue though.

"It wasn't just one time Meredith, I stayed with him and even after the divorce I felt guilty, it was like I was suffocating from the guilt, I told him we could try and make it work, and then I had sex with Korev, I didn't want it to work, I just wanted it to stop, it was so good and then after I just felt guilty, I slept with my husband's best friend. I'm terrible Meredith." She continued to sob into my chest. It took a while, but she eventually stopped and looked up at me.

"We all have regrets Addison," I whispered and she just looked up at me like she needed further convincing. "Remember that time I had sex with your husband?" She actually managed a weak smile at that. "I regret that, I regret having sex with George, I regret the blonde that said you were old, she wasn't very good, and you are incredible, and I really regret not doing this with you sooner," I whispered capturing her lips with mine. "I'm pretty crazy about you Addison Montgomery and I think you're just the right amount of screwed up for me. Even when you're crying on me I think you are so damn sexy."

"I'm pretty crazy about you too Meredith," She whispered. We fell asleep snuggled in each other's arms, and for the first time since I'd been in LA, I thought that maybe the whole PMS thing was a blessing in disguise.

* * *

"Addison?" I squeaked when I realized she was in my bed. She had this wicked grin and I realized that she was naked. Who needed sleep anyway? I mean my girlfriend was naked in my bed, like really there and really naked. "Izzie let you in?" She nodded as I climbed into bed on top of her sliding the sheet down to expose her breasts, which I happily took into my hands. "So after our little phone call this afternoon you just decided that you would come out here and wait for me naked in my bed?" She nodded again as I circled her nipples with my thumbs. "You like this?" She whimpered in response this time. "You have perfect timing, Alex is on call tonight and I'm horny, and I've been thinking about having you naked all day. How long do I have you for?" I asked as I took the sheet off of her legs so that it was only covering her from stomach to mid thigh.

"All day tomorrow," She whispered as my hands snuck up under the sheet, "And then I have to leave the following night." Addison barely got the words out as I slipped two fingers into her.

"We better make good use of this time then."

* * *

"Derek spent the night." Silence greeted me, Addison wasn't saying anything, and when she didn't say anything I rambled. "He just, we didn't, I mean nothing, but there's nothing going on between Derek and I, we were just, and he spent the night, and my mother's journals and Cristina, and god Addison please say something." I was hiding in a supply closet with my back against the door as I spoke. Nothing had happened between Derek and I, because I was with Addison, and I liked women, and Derek was good at the sex thing sure, but Addison was so much better, and I just felt compelled to tell her that he'd spent the night.

"I think it's really sexy when you get all nervous and you stutter and ramble." I sighed in relief at her words. "Why did Derek spend the night?" She asked calmly.

"Because I miss you, and Izzie was on call, and you've turned me into this clingy mess that needs to be snuggled, and we found some of my mother's old journals and it was late and he stayed. And Derek has horrible morning breath, but he's so cuddly and I miss you, and there was no sex, definitely no sex, because I like having sex with you, and you're laughing at me!" I said finally catching onto the chuckles on the other end.

"Yes I am. Where are you?"

"In a supply closet," I answered without thinking. Her amusement was noted as fresh peels of laughter took over. "I'm glad you find my guilt so amusing Addison," I scolded.

"There is no reason for you to feel guilty Meredith, he's your friend, friends have sleepovers, you and Cristina have sleepovers all the time," I cut her off.

"Yes, but I've never had sex with Cristina!" How dare Addison try and minimize my guilt. It was comforting that she tried though. "And he thinks that it means something more than it means, and he just thinks that I'm making you up and playing hard to get or some other testosterone fueled man thing, and I miss you and I wanna snuggle with you," I sobbed, sliding down the door. This woman had turned me into an unrecognizable emotional disaster.

"He thinks you're making me up?" I nodded in response to her question, and muttered a weak "yes" when I realized that she couldn't see me. "Men and their testosterone," Addison responded.

"And their stupid boy penises," I hiccuped. She'd made me smile at least, and told me that she trusted me, that she knew nothing was going on with Derek and I, so there was no reason for me to feel guilty. I felt better after talking to her and as luck would have it I ran into him the moment I left the supply closet.

"Oh, hi, you're not Mark." He was clearly confused about my assessment. He definitely thought that Mark was meeting me in the supply closet, oh god. "I was just," I lifted my phone, "And Mark has this habit of running into me after I talk to my, or, after we, uh, can I help you with something?" I stuttered, trying not to think about my awkward run ins with Mark, after having sex with Addison all day in an on call room, and then after our little phone call in one.

"You know friends tell their friends about the people they're dating, Meredith." Derek was trying to turn on the McDreamy charm and that smile. At least he didn't think I was meeting Mark in a supply closet anymore.

"Yes, but you're also my ex, and that's uncomfortable, I don't want to talk to my ex about who I'm sleeping with, it would be like you asking Addison about who she's sleeping with." Derek didn't have anything to say to that, and he left it alone. It was better that he not know who Addison was sleeping with because I was sleeping with Addison and Addison was sleeping with me, and Derek couldn't find out about this ever. I hoped that this "Exes shouldn't talk about their sex lives even if they were friends" talk would help in avoiding further discussion.

* * *

"Arizona?" I questioned when I saw the blonde in the hospital.

"Meredith?" She asked apparently just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. I said I didn't know that she worked here. "I just started yesterday. Have you been here long?"

"Second year surgical resident." She seemed surprised, said "oh" and continued to tell me that she was a pediatric surgeon. We hadn't exactly gotten to know each other in our last meeting. "I would prefer if no one knew that we," She cut me off before I could say anything to make this moment any more awkward.

"You're not out?" She asked, I shook me head.

"No, no I am, I have a girlfriend, a really sexy, leggy, perfect, haven't seen her in two weeks girlfriend, but Hawaii, I wasn't supposed to, I was supposed to be celibate in Hawaii, on my friend the jilted bride's honeymoon, so she, she can't know that I broke the vow of celibacy." Arizona was giggling, said she was bad at keeping secrets, she also said the rambling thing was kind of cute. Addison had already said that she thought it was sexy. "It's not something that should come up like ever, just Cristina Yang, she cannot know that we in Hawaii." Arizona continued to giggle at my expense, before asking if I could lead her to other cute girls in Seattle. Without even thinking about it, "Dr. Callie Torres in orthopedics, she's sweet, a kick ass surgeon, and don't say anything to her about Erica Hahn. But she's single and you should look into that, but be nice, because Erica Hahn, and just be nice."

"I'll look into this Dr. Torres, and Meredith, the rambling is seriously adorable, I'm kind of disappointed that you're seeing someone." She winked and I watched her walk off. She and Callie would be so cute together.

* * *

"Did you have a rough day Addie? You're awfully quiet." I was on call tonight and was trying to talk to my girlfriend while eating my cafeteria sandwich, but she hadn't had much to say.

"Yeah, I was at the hospital today, and it was," Addison seemed to be rendered speechless by how horrible it was, and I wished that I could hold her and tell her it would all be okay. She didn't have to say what had happened for me to know it was bad just hearing her break off completely said it all, it was too horrible to even talk about.

"I'm sorry Sweetie, I wish I could make it better, but I have heard some interesting rumors that might cheer you up." Addison said nothing would cheer her up right now. "Not even if it's at the expense of Mark Sloan?" I could hear her perking up on the other end, she said maybe that would cheer her up. "I heard that someone broke his penis the other day." Mission accomplished, I wouldn't be surprised if they could hear her laughter in China. "I'm sure to run into him while we're on the phone, I always seem to run into him at the most inopportune moments, I can ask him." Sure enough I ran into the man when I got up from the gurney I was eating on to check on one of my patients. "So Mark are the rumors about your penis true?" Addison must have fallen over laughing, I heard something drop in the background. The plastic surgeon turned bright red in response and quickly ran off. "You're gonna pee yourself if you don't stop laughing Addie." She eventually stopped and I listened as her breathing returned to normal.

"You really know how to cheer a girl up Meredith, I needed that, thank you, have a good night." I told her goodnight and ended our call to check on my patient.

* * *

The moment Addison returned to Seattle Grace, the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. Callie hadn't said much about her time being married to George, but she had said that it had all been perfect when they were in the sanctuary of their Vegas hotel room and no one else could disturb them. My relationship with Addison was like that hotel room bubble that Callie talked about. No one really knew we were seeing one another besides Callie and Izzie and there had been no judgement, Izzie had made a few jokes, but she'd kept her mouth shut about it and she'd been supportive.

We'd been together for six months and our relationship consisted mostly of phone calls and visits, but the visits had been mostly secret, sure Callie knew when Addison was in town and Izzie knew because we lived together, but it wasn't out in the open, and now our relationship was about to be tested. Addison was a wreck about her brother, I hadn't even known that she had a brother, which was something I had accidentally let slip to Cristina who then realized that Addison was my girlfriend. She didn't seem to mind though, she was Cristina, she was my person, she seemed pretty ticked that I hadn't told her sooner, but she would get over it. Addison's brother was a concern and in that moment Addison was my priority, I needed to find her and be a good girlfriend. My redhead was falling apart and when I found her I led her into a deserted on call room and pulled her into my arms. She started to sob, completely falling apart in my arms.

"Derek will do the surgery Addison, he's Derek," She didn't say anything, she just fell against my shoulder and continued to cry. "Let it all out Sweetie," I whispered, stroking her new shorter hair as she cried. "I still think you're sexy even when you're crying on me." She gave me a weak smile and I kissed the top of her head. We stayed like that until she eventually curled into my lap and dozed off. Callie came by and told me Derek had agreed to do the surgery and Archer was being prepped now, Derek was looking for me, I was going to be the resident on the case. I woke Addison and told her the good news. "Derek is going to do the surgery, I need to go, I wouldn't want your brother to suffer with one of my interns prepping him. I like your hair," I said softly, "You could have told me you cut it," I added. My words earned me a kiss. While Addison was clearly more relaxed than she had been before she still looked tense. "If anyone can do this it's Derek. I can't promise that everything is going to be okay, but I can promise that I'll be here good or bad." After a quick kiss she let me go. I hoped that everything went smoothly in this surgery, because I couldn't stand to see Addison in so much pain.

* * *

"I don't think Derek Shepherd is a bad man," Archer began as I entered his room. That hadn't been what I was expecting when I went to check on the man, but I let him continue regardless. "He just wasn't right for Addie. She's not the kind of woman that you can just ignore. She's strong, but she's also vulnerable, and sometimes she just needs to be asked how her day was or be told that she's loved, and Derek wasn't willing to make the effort, especially towards the end." He paused for a moment, allowing the words to sink in. "They're at the bar across the street celebrating, you should let her know that I'm okay and tell her that she can stop worrying." I nodded and went to do as he had requested, almost everything after that moment was a blur now.

There was a girl sitting next to me at the bar, she had her hand on my thigh, but I wasn't interested. I was sitting there trying to forget that I'd just broken up with my girlfriend. The girlfriend I was definitely in love with, maybe not definitely, but yes definitely, I was in love with Addison, but after half a dozen shots of tequila or maybe it was more, I wasn't sure, I didn't care about the blonde hitting on me. I mean I wasn't interested, but I couldn't be bothered to care that she was trying. After knocking back what might have been my seventh shot I'd had enough. "Can't a girl drink in peace? I just broke up with my girlfriend who is way hotter than you, go away," I slurred. She got up though. I felt bad about being so blunt, but who cares, she was annoying, I was done caring, caring only led to pain. I hadn't even been here since the night I took Addison home, I wanted Addison, I wanted to tell her I was sorry for yelling, tell her I didn't care if her friends thought I was a whore, I just cared about her, I had to tell her that I loved her, that life sucked without her. Everything without Addison seemed bad now. Going to bed without her was bad, I tried to snuggle Izzie and Derek and even Cristina, I'd become a clingy mess at night, I used to be fine. Not talking to her was bad, when I was too busy to call her for a couple days, I'd cried myself to sleep. Life without Addison Montgomery was bad, really bad, worst thing ever bad.

"It's nice to know you still think I'm hot," I smiled, Addison. She took the blonde's seat next to me, but I didn't turn to look at her, instead I asked Jen for a beer, which she quickly produced for me. I didn't really want the beer, I think Jen understood that, because it was about time to cut me off, I took a sip, and then focused all of my energy into peeling at the label, trying to peel it cleanly, carefully, but failing. Addison said something to me, but I missed it.

"Why is she talking to me Jen?" I asked my favorite bartender. The young woman smiled before telling me that Addison was trying to apologize. I looked over at the redhead. I couldn't really remember what I'd said at Joe's anymore, it was a blur. I remembered being angry and yelling, I'd yelled at Addison, and said something about her thinking I was a terrible girlfriend, maybe I'd make a better ex-girlfriend.

"I've been here for almost two hours drinking tequila and complaining about you," I said the words to Addison directly. "Pay that nice woman and take me home Addison." She happily complied, and as we were walking out I told her I was sorry for yelling, she told me she was sorry too, sorry for a lot of things. I was just happy that we were together again, because being without Addison was bad.

Addie drove me home and helped me into my pajamas and as I snuggled into her I told her I didn't think she would come for me. "I'll always come for you Meredith," I felt her lips on my head before she continued. "Mark told me to go after you, he told me I screwed up, Mark told me I screwed up, the man can't even clear his browsing history after looking at porn," I couldn't help but laugh at Addison's words. "I deserved the yelling. I wasn't a good girlfriend today and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let Mark get to me like that, I trust you, I do, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to find you, I should have known that you'd be there. I'm just so sorry Mer."

"I forgive you Addie," I whispered before finally succumbing to sleep.

As it turned out forgiveness came at a price. Addison spent the following morning holding my hair as I threw up. I leaned against her when I was done and she patted at my forehead with a cool washcloth I didn't know when she'd gotten it, but I was thankful it felt nice. "We can't fight ever again if I'm gonna feel like this after." She agreed.

"No more fighting, but we can have makeup sex," Addison said suggestively, and suddenly I didn't feel so hungover. I brushed my teeth at her request and almost swallowed some mouthwash as I went a little overboard in my attempts to freshen my breath. Addison was sitting on the bed waiting for me when I returned, with new and improved fresh breath. I climbed on top of her placing my knees against her hips as she tried to apologize again for last night.

"We're making up now, that's all that matters," I whispered before kissing her. Our lips parted and hers trailed down my neck. "God I love you Addison," I cried as she nipped at my pulse point. She pulled away to look at me, and it wasn't that I waned to take the words back, but I was overcome with fear when our eyes locked, fear that she didn't feel the same, I had to say something, anything, but before I could speak her finger was against my lips and she breathed, "I love you too." Everything was right in the world as clothes were discarded and we made love.

* * *

"Quitting, Running, Hiding by Meredith Grey? I think that's your book Derek, isn't that what you did to Addison when you came out here and met me? You quit your marriage and ran across the country and hid in the woods!"

"Don't you dare bring Addison into this!" He shouted.

"But she is in this, Derek, she's always in this. She is why Meredith and Derek don't work, I'm in love with her Derek! I'm in love with Addison, I'm moving to LA to be with her. Mark is worried about you, but he's afraid you'll punch him out again if he comes out here, so right now, I am all you've got, and I'm not quitting on you. I am not running away from you, and I'm not going to hide my relationship with Addison anymore. You are the one that quit, you're trying to run away from your problems and you're hiding out here hitting empty beer cans with a baseball bat, so don't you dare pawn your book off on me!" He stopped.

"You love her?" I hadn't expected that response, I'd expected more yelling, but I guess he probably hadn't expected me to tell him that I was in love with his ex-wife.

"I do, I'm absolutely crazy about her, I'm planning to uproot my life to be with her. I'm making plans for her Derek, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I didn't want to say anything until I was sure, and I didn't want to hurt you. Right now you need me and I'm not going to give up on you, because you're my friend." I didn't say anything else and he let me lead him into the trailer in silence. He kicked his shoes off, I lost mine and my scarf as we made our way to the bed. He laid down and let me throw my arm and leg over him, holding him in place as he breathed deeply.

"How did this happen Meredith? You and Addison? When?"

"How did we happen Derek? We had a few drinks and I took her home with me, and as crazy as it sounds, against all odds we fell in love. She's the one Derek, we've been together six months and I know that she's the one, I want to wake up with her every morning, and have babies with her, and marry her, and just live happily ever after with her." He released a breath he'd been holding for a while and then he spoke with a smile.

"Addison has that effect on people."

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To those that have reviewed Thank You, for those that are stalking this story, stalk on xD I was thinking about a season 6 crossover for this, but my life is currently a technical difficulty so it may take some time


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